The Cardiac Rest - A Dad Chronicle

Awnna had a difficult pregnancy, to put it lightly. The first trimester was rife with nausea and sickness, the second with major fatigue, and the third…

Well the third trimester’s symptoms were Jovi.

I suppose thats what happens when a tiny woman like Awnna ends up carrying twins. Those two babies had to go somewhere and Jovi decided early on that there was no other place for her than buried in Awnna's right rib.

The painful hilarity that accompanied this irony was the fact that of the two girls Jovi was(and still is) the kicker. Almost constantly kicking, punching stretching, practicing her Brazilian Jujitsu and Sun-salutation. Good and bad came with this. Good, we always knew Jovi was doing ok. Movement is great in pregnancies since most parents don't carry around a Doppler or ultrasound machine to check on their babies.

The bad, Jovi moved so much and so high into Awnna's ribs that sleep was restless, breathing was a challenge and mom was in almost constant pain. Not ideal conditions for Awnna to get rest before the girls arrived.

And so it went. Day after day, night after sleepless night. Kick, kick, punch, punch. Awnna's kidneys and diaphragm acting as fleshy punching bags.

What is she practicing some martial arts kata in there? Awnna would often tryn push her down from the outside.

Our worry was that Cora would come out covered in bruises nursing a bloody nose.

That didn't happen though. Both girls came out kicking and screaming. The NiCU days came and went and we had them home. All four of us together. Life was good.

Until Jovi began crying. 

A lot. 

Feedings, changings, holdings, we couldn't seem to figure out the best way to console her. That is until Awnna set Jovi on her chest. Resting her head right next to her heart.

Thump thump. Thump thump.

My mom had swung by and we explained the phenomenon to her and she made the connection right off. She suggested that since Jovi sat so high in her mommy’s abdomen, every day for her a heartbeat, other than her own, surrounded her life.

Everyday that heartbeat persisted. Everyday she could count on it’s rhythmic pattern. Awnna’s heartbeat became a constant sound that brought her comfort. That told her everything was going to be okay. 

So when it came time to lave the safety of the womb Jovi no longer had the security of the heartbeat to comfort her. What she had was cold air. Loud precise noises. Bright lights. Touching hands. Everything for her from that point on has been foreign. 

No wonder she had a difficult time settling in. The consistency of her moms heartbeat was nowhere to be heard. The beautiful lullaby of

Thump thump, thump thump.

There is nothing like it in this world. No facsimile can take its place. The white noise machines, the fake elephant with a heart sound effect, the background noise is missing what the heartbeat brought for her.

Intimacy.

You see, for her, that heartbeat helped her know she was close to the source of life.

This is why, when presented with laying on her mommy' chest Jovi will settle into a calmness. It's because Jovi, in that place, is as close to home as she could ever be.

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There's a story in the bible when a disciple of Jesus is found leaning against him. In fact, in one version it says that this disciple was leaning into Christ's bosom. 

If that's not the closest you can come to home, I don't know what it. 

Listening to the heartbeat of Jesus.

Thump thump, thump thump.

This is where we should all aspire to be. When things around us become too loud, to hard to see, too cold and disconnected, we’ve got to search for that still steady rhythm of the Fathers heart.

The heart that beats for his creation. The heart that has been beating since the dawn of time and will continue to beat long after we care about time’s recompense.

There is something too that this heartbeat does for those who rest their head on the breast of God. When listening, you begin to hear the things that the Father’s heart beats faster for. The things that get Him excited, you’ll know because his celestial pulse will begin to race. You will feel the skipping of beats when God’s heart breaks over something happening in the world.

Being that close to the Fathers heart means your heart will begin to synchronize itself with His. And when this happens you will begin to feel your heart flutter when love is being displayed, you will feel your heart pound when an injustice is happening.

Your heart, like the Father’s will begin to search out the widows, and the orphans, the lost, and the broken.

This is the power of being so close to the Creator’s heart.

Without a doubt there will be a connection that my girls will have with their mother that I will never have. They have heard their mommy’s heart from the inside. It’s relentless, compassionate, selfless beating that comforted, and calmed. The beating that reminded the girls: “This is home”

If only we could strive to be that close with our Father.

Thump thump, Thump thump.